So I can write in it.

A few days ago I found my old blog, the one I used to regularly update back in 2006, post-high school. Careful what you put online, lads and lasses. Especially the ones that you write and upload back in those days when you consciously choose to not spell every word correctly in order to sound kool (shame on me) a.k.a teenage years. Most of them were just innocent, girly, high school-y rantings of a 16-year-old, but a small bit of it involved my friends and their personal stories that in my opinion, now, should not be open for public reading, apart from other reasons. In any case, I ended up converting everything inside that blog into a Word document for keepsake, out of the Internet. 

But wow, did I enjoy my own writings of the past. 70 pages of reconnecting with old, gorgeous memories. It’s just raw ramblings of every day life with complete honesty. And I like that. I cherish that more than anything. The idea of freedom of expression, not so much in the sense of political democracy, but in a way that it does not violate my own demand for privacy.

And that is why I want a book.

I want a book with empty pages.

So I can write in it.

Freely.

My confusion that came from reading the news proves that I should really be spending more time doing that, instead of wasting my time on Facebook.

*Now, I really am not trying to be a preacher and stop people from opening their FB accounts. This idea of “wasting time on Facebook” is really referring to myself literally spending more time than I should, scrolling down the homepage and, more often than not, mentally criticizing this one girl who exploits the wealth and liberty of status updates to bad-mouth another girl in her class, or this person who apparently has the most challenging life and posts annoying statuses for other’s pitying, or any of that sort. I’m sure you know what I mean*

Anyway, as I’ve mentioned. I read the news and its content is confusing me. To be honest, it is my first time that I came across the word Islamism or Islamist, or rather the first time that I ever seriously thought of those words. I mean, what? I’ve only seen a few derivatives of the word of my religion and they include Islamic and Muslim. So um, Islamism? Naturally I googled to understand it’s actual meaning, as the way in which the word is put in the news isn’t exactly appealing, and to my distaste the results on Google aren’t either. It is noted in Wikipedia:

“Islamism is a controversial term, and definitions of it sometimes vary.”

“Islamism takes different forms and spans a wide range of strategies and tactics, and thus is not a united movement.”

“Another source distinguishes Islamist from Islamic “by the fact that the latter refers to a religion and culture in existence over a millennium, whereas the first is a political/religious phenomenon linked to the great events of the 20th century.”

But of course my four years in college has taught me more than to rely too much on that open source website for solid information (although I have disregarded this rule too many times in favor of simple, easily attainable knowledge). So I browsed through some articles and this excerpt somewhat supports and explains the whole thing better:

“The key difference between Islam and Islamism is that Islam is not, and has never been described as, a political ideology.”

“I refer to the saying of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) “You know your worldly affairs better than I do, and I know your religious matters better than you do” (Muslim ‐ 139‐141). Many have interpreted this to mean that although the Prophet was a religious and political leader, he was not infallible when it came to politics and that Islam makes no prescriptions about the way human beings should organize the political realm while on earth.“ 

“What exactly is the problem?” some may think. Maybe this is a minuscule issue. I, however, feel differently because I am somewhat worried by the definition, or lack thereof. I am worried by the perception of others, such as non-Muslims, as they might see this word and relate it directly to the religion itself unknowingly. I wonder if the use of Islamists is confused with Muslims because as much as I gather, these two words cannot be interchanged. The fact that its definition varies according to context bothers me; doesn’t it allow fabrication? Doesn’t it allow the perception towards Islam to be tweaked too? (not that its isn’t tweaked bad enough these days)

I need further enlightenment on this matter (I always do I’m sure you’d agree). It’s already 4am but I can’t get it out of my head.

I decided to make this post a simple one. Because with you, there is no need to imply things or be suggestive. You know when things don’t seem right, you always do. When I tell you the reason why, eventually that is the end of all things bad and unnecessary. Because you know how to fix it. Because you know how to simplify things and make them all clearer.

There are times when all I need is a little faith from someone. A little reassurance, especially when I cannot bring it to myself. You can, and you give me just that: the trust you have in me, that I can do what I do. That I am good at it and things will turn out for the better. 

Again, this post is meant to say thank you (that is, apart from saying the obvious).

It’s only my first day of job-hunting, and I’m already overwhelmed to the point that I’m starting to hate opening multiple tabs on Google and Jobstreet’s website. It’s definitely tough, eh? I feel the sense of being under-qualified every time I look at the job requirements but I applied to some anyway. Let’s see where this goes, and hoping for a smoooooth transition to the working life! 

But yeah I did get a job offer, and it came to me while I was having dinner with my family. 

Mom: Papa harini ada tuisyen kan?

Dad: Hmm. *too busy slurping Ma’s awesome mee bandung*

Dad: Dekda pi la ajaq Papa punya English class.

Me: Ha? Berapa mau bagi?

Dad: Papa bagi sepuluh ringgit.

Me: …………………..

Yeah, apparently my four years of torture in college is worth that much at the moment. But hey, it’s a start.

*crawls into the corner to sulk*

Rulers dictating our self-expression

Ethics are defined by generations lost in greed

The signs that provide direction for behavior

What if this is over; isn’t it better to be free?